There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
