You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
