oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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