You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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