i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
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