Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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