I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
