allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
