Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
