i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
