Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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