we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
