So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
