I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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