i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
