Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
