how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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