Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
