you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
