strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
