I don't usually arrange sex via text message
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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