i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
