my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
