So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
