I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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