If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my being single is dangerous.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
