You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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