Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
