Kiss
Puke
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
should my penis look like a turkey
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
