"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My bed is full of blood and feathers
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
