yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
