Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
