I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
