38 yer olds are good kisserssss
babies were throwing up all over the place
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
