seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I need a beard to bite.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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