I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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