Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
