this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
