He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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