Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
