You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
