Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
