piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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