Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
