if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
