So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
