dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
