gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
