I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
