"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
