Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
